When I started this blog in 2013, I had this huge goal of devoting my time to sharing my journey. Whether it was relationships, family, running, traveling or the fact that some days are tough; that is where I wanted to end up. As you can imagine life took me by surprise and nothing really happened the way I planned. Sadly, I didn't have any support in my relationship (at the time) to blog, run, travel, or even exist independently. I lost track of who I was and my motivation diminished over time. I developed guilty emotions around going for a run or even taking an hour to blog. After many arguments, I realized that stepping away from running and this blog would solve the problems. Looking back, I have realized that I let another person determine who I was going to be in life and how I was going to leave my mark on the world.
I woke up in 2015, literally. They say major life events can stir you awake from a haze. I had to say goodbye to my beautiful Grandma. I had to leave my home to help plan and organize life for my Mom after she lost hers. I spent six weeks on journey to find out who I had become. At the end of it all, on my flight back to Seattle, I realized I didn't like me. I didn't like the passive voice I had developed; the timid personality. I wasn't in love. I wasn't me. Can I just say, it is quite terrifying to look yourself in the mirror and say "Hey, what happened? I don't recognize you and I think you should leave." How do you reach that point? Well, I didn't stop to try to figure it out; I was there and that was it. So let's briefly fast forward. In what remained of 2015, I was in a new job struggling through a tough divorce and developing a new relationship with myself. It was a bumpy journey but not to worry I came out of the haze with a clear head and heart. I learned to be independent again. I developed a new sense of confidence and self worth. I found out what love and being in love looked was supposed to be. I found a new appreciation for my friends and family. Frankly, I found joy again and I never looked back.
As I write this, I realize that dredging up these feelings I had less than a year ago are tough to swallow. It's slightly terrifying to realize how far you let yourself go without anyone to pull you back. Luckily, I found a partner that doesn't hold me back but holds me up. He has defied everything I thought was "love" and "being loved". He became my best friend, confidant, cheerleader and giver of joy. Yes, I could write about him all day but he wouldn't want that. He wants me to celebrate all of my victories and give only myself credit. He is that humble and kind.
Present day: I am full. Full of utter happiness. I can now continue to work towards every goal I set and not worry that it will be shut down. I could go on and on about the benefit of support, especially when it comes to dreams you have in life but I will leave it at that.
Looking to 2017, I am thrilled to be able to chase every goal and milestone I want to hit! It is going to be a huge year not only for me but for every aspect of my life. I am looking forward to and adventure traveling/racing, self discovery and living in the moment. I cannot wait to take you all along for the ride.
Here is to living life with joy in 2017!